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Family is so much more than blood

So there was this woman, an amazing woman who was kind, genuine, and caring. She was so good and generous to people, even if they were horrible back to her. She was taken advantage of. She didn’t always get back what she deserved, but she never gave up on people and believed in their good anyways.

If you know me, you know that I’m not really a huge fan of my extended family. It’s because family is so much more than the blood that runs through your veins. Family is about being grateful for each other and not being greedy or selfish. Family is about being happy for each other no matter what. Family is about those that care about you and spend time with you. While at most times family is determined by blood, in my life, family has been determined by action.

So this woman was like family. She was like a second mom and so was my mom to her kids. And it saddens me so much that she’s going to go any minute now. It sucks that a lot of times, it’s the best that go.She was one of the few good ones left. 

In a way, I know that God has an amazing place for her in heaven because she, out of all people, deserved it. Christmas this year is a dark time because the world will be losing an amazing light. 

Stripped Disneyland

I spent all day at Disneyland yesterday. To be honest, I’m not an amazingly huge fan of Disneyland. It’s okay. It’s all about the people you go with, and thankfully, the people I went with were wonderful. 

But as I explored the park, I did a little more than take in attractions and eat. I realized that a lot of people are absolutely obsessed with Disneyland. Even with little means, many are willing to fork out a large sum of money, and I always wondered why. For me, it was a special occasion. Annual pass? Uh, no thank you. 

I realized that Disneyland is a constructed mask symbolizing happiness. When people go, they are convinced they are happier. It surprised me how much people would do even for the delusion/idea of happiness, even if they don’t really have it. Disneyland also uses an obscene amount of energy that there is definitely a better use for. I’m sure that many people agree but for even delusional happiness, I guess it’s worth it. 

I just want to give the greatest freakin’ shoutout to an amazing friend, Neelam. I don’t even know. Who would bring you nutella pancakes in the middle of an all-nighter? I was freaking the freak out. I can’t even say anything that makes sense right now, but I was at such a low, and I can’t even explain how grateful and thankful I am of absolutely everything. 

I don’t think I ever deserve anything like this but it happened and I’m just confused because this is just too great. Sometimes, the funniest and weirdest and greatest of people enter your life. And you’re just like, welp, it happened and you go a lot of days just really thankful. That is a wonderful blessing in itself. 

I usually spend my finals alone, and therefore, blow off a lot of steam through tumblr. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not taking finals as seriously, but I’ve found people to be my scapegoat. Having them around comforts me, and that scares me. I feel like I’m getting dependent. 

In past years, I would take finals time as me-time and spend it alone to focus. Now, I see myself surrounded by people almost constantly. Not sure what has happened.. 

Young John Cusack

I am in love.

"Get scared. It will do you good. Smoke a bit, stare blankly at some ceilings, beat your head against some walls, refuse to see some people, paint and write. Get scared some more. Allow your little mind to do nothing but function. Stay inside, go out - I don’t care what you’ll do; but stay scared as hell. You will never be able to experience everything. So, please, do poetical justice to your soul and simply experience yourself.”
— Albert Camus, Notebooks 1951-1959 (via themilkywhiteway)